I'm Skinny... And Really Insecure About It

Hi, my name is Darci and I hate my wrists.

I'm aware that this seems like a very arbitrary body part to hate. But my wrists are the embodiment of something that I'm very insecure about, and it's almost impossible to cover them up.

They're really skinny. And there's absolutely no way to hide it.

I wore a watch every single day, from elementary school until college, partly for time-telling reasons but partly because it added some bulk to my left wrist. Long sleeves do the trick sometimes, until they ride up a little bit, or I get hot and roll them up myself. Then I'm just stuck looking at my bony wrists all day. And what can I even do about it? Is there a way to bulk up wrists? Do I do forearm curls?

Hi, my name is Darci, and I'm really thin and really insecure about it.

Now, I understand that we live in a society that glorifies thin-ness, and that it's much more difficult to be overweight than it is to be thin. I'm in no way implying otherwise. But to think that thin people don't struggle with insecurities about their weight is to be incredibly incorrect.

I wasn't always insecure about being thin. I've been insecure about my wrists for a really long time, but it wasn't until people started commenting on my thin-ness that I started feeling weird about it. A casual comment about how, oh, you're small so you must not like food. Someone who saw me eat every single meal every day for a month saying she nonetheless thought I was anorexic (seriously?????). One too many people showing me that, look, I can wrap my fingers the whole way around your wrist!

And what the HELL are these sizes that I have to wear????

Those things wore me down. Now when people say, "wow, you're so tiny!" I don't know how to respond. Thanks, I think? Are you telling me that as a compliment or because you think I have an eating disorder? When my family members ask what I've been cooking for myself, I instantly get defensive. Are you curious about my cooking abilities or are you worried that I'm not eating enough? When I wear boots, I always try to wear fleece-lined leggings and boot socks to beef up my calves a little bit. When it comes to jewelry, literally all bracelets are too big for me and don't even get me started on rings. When someone has to put a wristband on me, I always get the urge to apologize for my skinny wrists making it hard for them.

I'm sorry. I'M SORRY.

I feel like I should make clear that I don't have an eating disorder. I never have. My doctors have always told me I'm a perfectly healthy weight. I eat three meals a day, and more when I'm hungry. I just make healthy food choices, have been blessed with a fast metabolism and thin bone structure and small appetite, and (sometimes) work out. When you're not much more than five feet tall, you really don't have to weigh all that much. I'm a proportional human being, I promise.

And I generally like being thin. It's nice to always know what size clothes to get; small, always. Extra small if it's available. Petite sizes, even better. (That's not to say they'll always fit, because I'm often too small for the smallest sizes, but at least it's a good place to start.) And it's nice not to have to worry about losing weight. But just like you wouldn't comment if someone was overweight, I'd appreciate not getting comments on the other side of the spectrum. (Seriously, let's just stop feeling entitled to comment on people's weight.)

Because for every person that says "zero isn't a real size," there's someone who wears size 00 yelling at you to shut up.

Do any skinny girls out there feel me on this?

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1 comment :

  1. Having been in your shoes for many many years, I understand your frustration entirely. I'm not the kind of person to remark on someone's size other than possibly worrying that a sudden drop/gain could be health or stress related, and if I do, I tend to ask how things are going, not comment on their size. Personally, for several years in my early 20s I just wanted to gain 10 more pounds just so I could buy professional work clothes in a size that didn't mean paying extra for them because they were smaller. Or pay to alter the length because affordable petite slacks weren't in my budget until after grad school. Then my metabolism tanked/was diagnosed with PCOS and I now get to scrounge for the most common size and battle not gaining more and trying to lose some of what I need to drop (body fat, not the #) for health reasons. Its a never ending battle, especially for us females because we're always going to be ridiculed or shamed no matter what our size is or what the reason is -- that we're just that way in most cases. If only we as a society would just zip it and keep our thoughts to ourselves on weight matters. (((hugs)))